He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
