so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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