i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So much rum. So many feels.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
