my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
