maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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