Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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