Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
