a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You took a bar mat shot.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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