dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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