I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
