so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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