He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
