is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
