Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
