Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
