On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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