When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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