Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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