New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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