i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
