Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
