In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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