turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
