I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
