dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
