3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
