??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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