Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
