you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
