She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize