We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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