I just saw a hot homeless man
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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