smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
