shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
