Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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