He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Send help, water and tortillas.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
