You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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