Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
