He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
