Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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