she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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