Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
