Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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