i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
