You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
