last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
