I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she looked like the before picture.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
