all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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