Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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