Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
