I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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