i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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