$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
