were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
