People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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