As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize