hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
