when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
