I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
