Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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