If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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