saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
