He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
