Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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