Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
