This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
