whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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