Don't you send me to vm
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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